Survivor is pretty much a film you’ll watch when there’s nothing good on TV and you’re after some mindless action fun – think Expendables but less enjoyable. Milla Jovovich plays Kate Abbott, a foreign service officer working at the US Embassy in London checking passports and making sure no dodgy geezers end up in the US to do some damage. She arrives to work everyday on a motorcycle which seems rather out of character but I’m guessing it’s because her life is so dull it makes her look like cool.

One day her dull job gets slightly more exciting when she raises the alarm over a group of scientists with a passion for blowing shit up end up travelling to the US (could they not have caught flights with stopovers or detours?). Unfortunately, her concerns are ignored, till a random restaurant is blown up, and she becomes the prime suspect after killing her boss.
Queue chase scenes through London as she tries to figure out what the hell’s going while wearing no disguise despite having her face plastered all over TV. The one time she does wear a disguise is just a pair a glasses as she makes her break for America, and that sums up how laughable this film is.

To bump it up another level we have Pierce Brosnan – AKA the Watchmaker. Good old Pierce just appears to be grabbing any role that lets him relive his glory days as James Bond, as long as he can wear a suit, shoot some guns and work for secret agency he’ll do just about anything (checkout November Man). He spends most of his time missing shots trying to take out Kate Abbott even though he is meant to be top dog assassin. Unfortunately he loses all respect when he dons a hilarious moustache – but partially regains it when he takes out a set of flats with a single shot from a sniper.

Overall Survivor is a poor effort from James McTeigue and everyone else, especially since collectively they gave us Olympus Has Fallen and V For Vendetta.